This is the first step in dealing with difficult people: You must choose to refuse to be offended or to take it personally.
“A person’s
wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11 NIV).
When you’re dealing with people who are offensive or
irritating, you need to look past the behavior to the pain. Because
everything we do is motivated by something. When people hurt others, it’s
because they’re hurting on the inside. Hurt people hurt people.
The more you understand about other people’s
background, the more grace you’ll show them. Think of the people who you find
the most difficult to deal with and who irritate you the most — you probably know nothing
about their background. So you don’t cut them any slack. You don’t know that
maybe they were molested. You don’t know that maybe they were orphaned. You
don’t know that they’ve gone through three marriages and their husband walked
out on them. You don’t know their story, so you’re not showing them any
grace.
The Bible says in Proverbs 19:11, “A person’s
wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense” (NIV). With wisdom, you don’t
get offended. Why? Because wisdom gives you patience. When you understand
somebody’s background, you understand the stress that person is under — and it’s easier to show
grace. That gives you patience to overlook the offense.
What I’m talking about here is real love. In fact,
the Bible says refusing to be offended by other people is actually an act of
mature love. It shows you how much love you’ve got in your heart. The more
love you have in your heart, the harder it is to offend you on a personal
basis.
The less love you have in your heart, the more
insecure you feel and the easier it is to offend you.
Proverbs 10:12 says, “Love overlooks the wrongs that others do” (CEV). The more I am filled with love, the
less I’m going to be upset with you when you are demanding or demeaning or
disapproving.
This is the first step in dealing with difficult
people: You must choose to refuse to be offended or to take it personally.
Talk It Over
- Who are
the people you find the most difficult to deal with and who irritate you
the most? How can you show them more grace?
- How can
you grow in wisdom?
- Instead
of getting offended, what can you do to learn more about someone’s
background?
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